From the time I was a young girl, I had a heartfelt wish to find my real self, the me that I knew was there, but was always held back.
I believed there was something wrong with me. I didn’t know what it was, only that I felt bound inside. I couldn’t be myself.
I was afraid of rejection. I believed that if people knew who I really was, they wouldn’t like me. So, in order to feel safe, I hid behind a mask. I thought that if I was nice to everyone, all the time, someone, somewhere, would surely like me. Yet all the while, I longed to be myself.
I practiced self-reflection in the hope of finding the real me. I also tried meditating, and writing affirmations. I even wrote notes to God asking him to help me, but nothing helped. I couldn’t find the door I was looking for.
In my late forties, that door finally opened. Three major events that occurred almost simultaneously blew it open: I had come to a point where I didn’t know who I was any more; my father, who lived on the other side of the world, nearly died following a cardiac arrest, and my marriage broke down.
Within a short space of time, my life as I’d known it fell apart. I moved out of the family home and, with that move, the life-line that I’d had, but been previously unaware of, was suddenly gone. I was adrift, with nothing and no one to hold on to.
That cold, deathly entity that is depression made itself at home in me. For years, I was lost in a dark and terrifying world. I couldn’t find my way out. I thought I’d be lost forever.
Then, out of the blue one day, something new came into my life. It was light. The light showed itself in different ways: white light, which was extremely powerful; small silver lights, and crystal clear light that was diamond sharp. But the experience I want to share here was probably the most profound of them all.
It was evening. Suddenly, the darkness vanished: all thoughts and feelings were gone; my body had disappeared too.
I was at the very bottom of myself in a warm, golden glow that radiated out around me. It was my soul, the real me I’d been wanting to find for so long.
The light was so beautiful that I wanted to stay there forever.
I’ve learnt many things from my inner journey, which I’ve written about in “Return to My Soul: My Journey from Darkness into the Light”
Here are the most important things I have learnt:
- No matter how dark and hopeless life may seem, there is always light on the other side.
- There is a real self that arises deep within us.
- The real self (soul) is our essence, our true nature. It is what we are.
- The real self is light.
- It is the light of the real self, the soul, that heals.
- There is nothing to fear.
If you’d like to learn more about my story, click here.